Saturday 11 January 2014

What was meant to be ideal and realistic in my opinion...

Being told that you look younger than what you are is often taken as a compliment. That is fine until it comes to the point when a 27 year old is seen as a Junior school kid (7-11). It has been perceived by people who don't know me, and I am often told to forget about it. But the phrase that is dying to come out in response to that is that "It takes one person to spread the wrong assumption."
Yes, I am short, and I admit I have features of a very young person, but if you are someone who has fixed my bank account, surely you should know how old I really am! I was with my sister who is 14years old, and this lady said to both of us, "You two have been behaving very well." I wanted to say that I am 27years old, of course I am bound to behave! But how can I when my parents were there. Even they couldn't say anything because they feared that it would sound rude to stick up for me! I'm sure that I'm not the only case, God knows how many people she had misjudged because of their appearance.
That is why, I often dreamed that when I find a man and get married, the world will look at me differently.
I'm not the oldest on my mother's side, so I'm ok if I don't get married from that point of view and every cousin who is younger than me shows their respect. However, on my dad's side, I am the oldest but I feel that I have lack of respect from that perspective! Therefore getting married first was a big deal, that way, I will have some respect and be seen as the age I am!
Until that moment, I planned my life.

I dream of a man who is dark and handsome for sure, but height was never that important as long as he is an inch taller at least. He has to be caring and understanding, and be there whenever I was struggling. In 2002, the characteristics were given to the hero of a series I wrote called The College Lovers Series, and he was named Vince Carr as I love the combination and sound of it.  Vince was given a spouse whose name is an abreviation of my name, Sharni Hendry. While mine is shortened for pronouciation purposes, Sharni Hendry was born with it. Never the less, Sharni was given the characteristics that wished to have on myself. Along with that, Vince had additional attributes such as being a musician and is the last born twin.
I am very lonely as I hardly have a social life which is actually not in my will. I've been told that people fear in having the responsiblity to look after me and not have the time to enjoy themselves. So, I have no other way of living my life other than attending uni and drawing, playing/making music writing stories about how life should be.
In 2006, sure enough did I stumble across a man who is very similar to my Vince Carr, while browsing the web. He too was called Vince and his surname began with a 'C' but it isn't Carr. He was a triplet, but he was also the last born. Plus, he is a musician. It dawned up on me that he could be the one I was looking for, but still he is far away as he lives in France. Never the less, and no matter what anyone says, I still believe he is the one. I just need to find a way to meet and let him know!

However, at the moment, I feel that my dreams has been shattered as my cousin on my dad's side recently got married. She is the second oldest, but the oldest in her immediate family. Still, I didn't feel it was right.
As parents don't understand exactly how I felt, they kept telling me that marraige doesn't happen chronologically and have face the fact that even though I'm the oldest, I'm not the one to be married off first. They even thought I was jealous. All I asked was to be seen the age that I am, and that was the only way, I saw possible. Sure enough, a lot of people thought I was younger and that was my fear, but I'm now sick and tired of saying it!
The cousin who got married just turned 25, and the birthday bash she got, was what I missed when I was her age just because no 'friend' was free enough to celebrate my quarter of a century. She's a normal person and she everything that a disable person could ever wish for. That includes the man. When I saw him, I saw Vince! And it saddens me to say, she's taken my life away, and because I fear that I would jeopardise our relationship, I dared not say anything, but watch them smile at each other and hug each other. It made me feel that I'm not Sharni Hendry, me cousin is. And her husband is Vince Carr!